So I’ve debated on how deep to go into “Who I Am” for months…to the point of just not doing it and dragging my feet in putting myself out there. That, however, will not help anyone – myself included, so here goes!
I was raised in a dysfunctional family (this is putting it lightly and I’ll be going into that deeper in my blogs as time unfolds so keep your eyes open and ear to the ground), filled with generational pain, drug and alcohol abuse, and a general lack of Faith in the Divine/God/Source or whatever resonates most with you if any of it.
The highlights of the generational dysfunction include having children far earlier than society deems natural, marrying too young and an over-all case of pure self-loathing that manifested in a broken marriage, physical and emotional violence, and a seemingly deep-seated addictive personality to anything that would numb the pain of existence (money, sex, alcohol, drugs, and dangerous living).
The pattern would seem to be being broken in one area only to pop up in another place and time with the same general outcome; mother’s suffering from anxiety and depression, father’s displaced from the lives of children and back to trying to numb the pain all over again!
It seemed like a never-ending circle of hopelessness and anguish that just wouldn’t go away! Then trauma hit my oldest daughter and I decided enough was enough… I REFUSED to watch my children ”suffer” the same living experience I had (I had believed that the cycle had already been broken… boy, was I wrong!). I realized the only way to break the pattern was to actually do something different, take different steps than had ever been taken before and to stop pretending that the problems didn’t stem from ME first and foremost. That was the hardest thing for me, realizing that each and every decision I made (shit-past or not) had brought us to that pivotal moment in our lives. To say that my oldest had finally decided that she was done living the life she had been given is putting it lightly… She helped blow the lid off the entire facade and has brought much needed healing to our family unit ?
Sometimes our lives have to completely collapse around us before we can see the light… Before we can go inside and start healing the past pain, trauma and dis-ease in our lives. Often we are so blinded to the ‘truth’ that the glass ceiling must fall before we are even able to start looking at where it all came from and what started it all. This isn’t blaming our past for the life we live nor is it blaming our parents or our ancestors because I firmly believe we ALL do the very best with what we know and until we know better nothing really changes… Once we know better we do better! Each generation does better than the generation before because we all want to be a better version of what we lived.
Life as I knew it fell down around me almost three years ago and the changes I’ve seen in myself, my children and those around have been incredible… I won’t pretend it’s been easy because it hasn’t HOWEVER I will promise you it’s worth it! There is nothing more empowering than taking the reins of your own life, taking ownership where ownership is due and learning another way to live…
If you’ve had past trauma, family dysfunction, drug or alcohol abuse, anxiety or depression, are feeling stuck in your life, are in physical pain or suffering from any Mental Health concerns or are just done with living a life of pain of any kind then reach out. Reiki has truly saved my life in so many ways, in all ways actually!
There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thanking the universe for bringing in my beautiful teachers, mentors and all the AMAZING people I’ve met these past few years… I no longer “live” my past but have learned to love it (most days anyway and the days I’m not loving it, I’m learning to love myself for where I am instead) and all of the lessons it’s given me.
Brighter days are possible for All of us and I would be honored and grateful to help you help yourself ?