Mistakes… We all make them. Some are small, some are big but there’s not one person in this world who hasn’t made one. I’ve been told that there are no mistakes, that everything comes with a lesson. So this brings us to
choices. We all have choices to make each and everyday; some are small fish choices like what food we’re going to eat, but some are a little bigger like what we’re going to do for a career, and even larger still, like who to marry or have kids with.
They say there’s never a wrong choice either, just a different path on our winding journey that leads us to a different lesson and a deeper knowledge. That our perception makes a choice good or bad, or makes a mistake a mistake instead of what it is, an opportunity to grow, heal and learn.
What about when we’ve made a decision that affects others? A big choice that ends up causing harm, causes them pain and suffering and is one that can never be undone. How does one reconcile the decision they’ve made, make peace with themselves and learn to forgive? How does one go about releasing the shame, guilt, grief, frustration, anger and all the other uncomfortable emotions that go along with “a mistake” or a “bad decision”? What if it’s your child that the decision/s has affected? Does this change how a person deals the fallout from not knowing better at the time?
I am a firm believer that we must hold ourselves accountable for the choices we’ve made, even if we didn’t know any better at the time. I’m also a firm believer that we asked for this life we live each day. We, in essence stood in line waiting to live this particular human experience… All the ups and all the downs, all the pain and all the joy that go along with being human. We still have freedom to choose a different path, to start anew and to choose a different way to act, react, and move forward. We can continue to hold onto the same patterns that have created the suffering or we can choose to educate ourselves, heal ourselves, and learn a new way.
This begs the question, how long must we continue to subscribe to the suffering we’ve created? We no longer have the option to blame anything or anyone else but ourselves… Does this mean we must continue to beat the shit out of ourselves though? Does this mean we must torture ourselves and create more suffering inside? Must we continue to bully ourselves into submission, or is it time to make a choice?
I realized I’ve been doing just that, continuing to make myself pay for a choice I made. A choice I made willingly, one that I acknowledge and have started to rectify over the last few years but I missed a big piece of the puzzle… Yet another layer has been revealed to be looked at. I no longer have to hate myself and beat myself up. I have a choice to make… We all have a choice to make. We all have light and dark within us. None of us were sent here to be perfect, we ALL make “mistakes” but our biggest mistake now is continuing to hate on ourselves. We are Divine beings living a human experience, this means that the biggest perceived “faults” actually bring in the deepest healing and opportunity for growth. To grow we must first acknowledge our part in creating this life we live. We can no longer play the victim and we can no longer victimize ourselves over and over again.
It’s time to love ourselves at our worst because that my friends is where we need the love the most. Yes we fuck up sometimes, yes we hurt other people and our actions sometimes have lasting effects but it’s time to stop pretending those shadows aren’t there. Acknowledge the part we hold and make the choice to do better next time. Let go of the toxic pattern and forgive ourselves. We created this life. We asked for these lessons. We are a balance of light and dark, each and every one of us. Time to stop pretending we are perfect, we aren’t!
If you feel guilt then acknowledge that shit and don’t do the same damn thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Make the choice to do something different. There will ALWAYS be another layer to look at and heal, no one ever promised this would be a linear journey, it’s a spiral. A spiral that brings us deeper into ourselves. Now is the time to learn how to love the ugliest parts of ourselves. The parts we like to pretend aren’t there. I’m here to tell you they are, and they are begging to be acknowledged and loved.
It’s time to make a choice.