I remember the day that I woke up. The day that I realized what I was doing to cope with everyday life was no longer working.
It was late September 2016, I was 4 months into the most traumatic experience I’d had in decades, beating myself up for the decisions I’d made, scared for my girls, angry that my career was basically over and just filled with rage at the turn my life had taken. I was sitting on my back deck
with my head in my hands sobbing (this was a pattern for days) trying to fight the emotional turmoil so I could put my face back on and pretend I wasn’t hurting. Have a smile on my face for when I picked up the girls so they would see only “strength” from me.
Totally consumed with my thoughts, stuck in the story and seeing no way out, when out of nowhere comes a hummingbird. He sat there hovering in my face for what seemed like forever, shot across the yard a few times and off he went… this was enough to pull me out of my head and back to the present moment, the only thing that I had control over…. I was still crying but they suddenly felt cleansing instead of gut wrenching and there was a smile on my face from the wonder this beautiful bird had brought.
This all happened after months of turmoil, pain and confusion… I had been hiding from the emotion my entire life and had just recently started getting Reiki done…I had just started going once per week and it was the only time that I felt a sense of calm. During my first session I slept for the first time in months and woke feeling refreshed, calm and like I could make it through this difficult time. I was feeling emotions that had been locked up and hidden for longer than I could remember. Little did I know that starting to get Reiki on a regular basis would start the journey I’m now fully engulfed in and living as though it had always been part of me.
That day in September 2016 was the day I realized that there was more to this life we live, that we aren’t alone and that we always have a choice. I could choose to block the pain from coming by using alcohol, social media or looking at my life as something being done TO me or I could look at my life as a sequence of lessons, growth, knowledge and the breaking down of old patterns that no longer served and that it was happening FOR me. Each trial in life brings such beauty once we learn to look at the positive that comes from the negative… Nothing is good or bad, it just is… Each hurdle we encounter brings with it growth, healing and another chance to make decisions from the heart.
This begins my journey of healing and the ups and downs that go with it.
Healing is messy business sometimes but knowing we have someone to reach out to who can hold space while we start the walk down memory lane, healing the wounds of the past and stepping into our own personal power is beautiful.
Let’s walk together, let’s hold each other up when times are tough and let’s do this together.
You aren’t alone, you never were!