Days after I officially remember waking up and realizing that there is much more to living and our lives then the pain circle we lock ourselves in; whether that be from blocking the emotions and pretending all is well, from using drugs, work, alcohol or sex to avoid dealing with the emotions and situations we find ourselves in or only allowing the comfortable emotions to come out; you know the ones, the emotions that society deems appropriate like anger, frustration, envy and greed… I found myself researching Reiki in a more profound way…I was trying to figure out
what it was that Reiki was doing that nothing else I’d ever done had accomplished.
Why could reiki help me sleep but alcohol couldn’t, why was I feeling rejuvenated and anxiety free after only an hour when I’d never felt tranquility before? Most of all though I was wondering why I suddenly had all of these emotions that I’d never allowed myself to feel before?!
I had by this time received a few sessions myself that had given relief in a time where I could not picture anything but the pain brewing inside which was of course pouring into all areas of my life without my even being aware of it. I had been attempting to utilize mainstream avenues to help with my fast failing mental health only I was not getting what I needed from it.
If you know me personally you know the system I was working with, know how difficult it is to even say you need help let alone receive the help needed in a timely manner (if at all) particularly if you’re able to hold it together and not totally fall off the edge into the abyss of total dysfunction. I was tired of being told I should take meds to sleep, that I should take meds to help with the anxiety I was feeling inside at the “new normal” I found myself living. I knew deep down that taking pills was only going to prolong the suffering, would only be one more bandaid over the wound of present and past pain and would serve to hurt more than ever help. I was ready to finally take my healing into my own hands, to acknowledge the pain hiding inside and to actively DO something about it instead of acting as though I had no choice but to suffer.
I continued receiving weekly Reiki through Marlene – sometimes twice per week leading up to and through the many hurdles I still had to jump over, go under or push down… It was a reminder each week to live in the moment, not the past or looking to the future but to look at each day as a moment in time, one where I did have control over myself and my reactions even if everything external was still falling down around me…
The life I once knew was going to continue to fall apart for the next 2+ years and honestly it was all for the best. It all served a purpose and one of those purposes was so I could heal and be able to help others heal themselves.
Come into the abyss with me, read my story of healing and share it with those around you.
Know that I’m here for you and that no one needs to walk this path alone.