We’ve discussed ego a bit throughout and now we’re going to delve a little deeper. We all have an ego, it truly does serve to protect us or wouldn’t exist, that doesn’t mean we always have listen to it though.
What we once needed protecting from is falling away, leaving in its wake a far brighter view on life as a whole. We’re stepping into our power, our truth and taking back our lives so this means
that our ego no longer serves the same purpose it once did. We know we’re not in this alone like our ego once taught us, we know there’s a big picture we don’t get to see right away and now we know we have choices!
Our poor ego has taken quite the beating eh?
There comes a time when ego MUST take a backseat though. I hit that time when I decided to sign the most bullshit custody agreement in the world, walk away from the fight and give the ex everything he wanted (including a clause to allow my daughter visitation with his GF?!) and say enough was enough. By this time I was seeing the system for what it really is and was unwilling to put my daughter’s life into the hands of a judge and the lawyers that preside over these hearings. I had already watched how the criminal Justice system worked and I refused to allow another judge to once again have control over the safety of my girls (cause they had done such a fine job originally ?) so I made a choice. My ego and my inner child were both thoroughly unimpressed with me and it took all of the knowledge I’d gained and skills I’d learned over the last two years to not flip a table and go completely postal.
I could go over the what ifs for days, what if I had a better lawyer, what if the trial had of gone different, what if I had of gone against my lawyers advice and filed complaint against the original judge for her disgusting display of victim blaming, what if I took this to trial and they did what I was being told would happen (lose all access to my baby) if I pushed, the list could go on and on. I only knew at the time that the only control I had and guaranteed way to protect my girls was to sign the papers, so that’s what I did. I still question whether it was the right thing to do sometimes but what I do know is that the fight was a moot point, a distraction to avoid accepting the new normal. Something had to give and this time it had to be my ego.
My priority was ensuring my daughters’ safety and to ensure their safety I had to bite the bullet and make a deal with the devil in a sense. I was still too close to the situation to be able to see clearly, still too involved in the emotion surrounding it and I was miles away from forgiving the system that had horribly failed my girls in every single way it possibly could over those 2 years. All I knew was that signing it was the lesser of two evils and at the very least made sure that my girl would spend half of her time with me where I know without a doubt that she’s always safe.
That brings us back to choices again right and learning to make choices out of love, to have compassion for ourselves and to forgive ourselves for the choices made from a place of fear. To move away from fear is to release the hold our ego has on us and remember that we are not in this alone, we are supported, we are loved and we deserve to live with a peaceful heart.
Let’s find peace together!