Reaching the peak has been a journey and a half, one I’m not even certain I’ve accomplished yet at times when I sit and listen to the ego still trying to protect me.
That’s the thing about the ego though, it always gets a bad rap but the reality is it’s often there as a way to protect us from getting hurt.
All the times we’ve not listened to our gut and gone and done the exact opposite of what our gut was telling us just gives the ego a basis for bringing in the fear and the feeling of being alone. Our ego once served a purpose but now
must fall away to make room for trust, faith and our intuition. That internal knowledge, that when given space, breathe and connection will guide us exactly where we’re meant to be, with those we’re meant to be with and helps us allow all that no longer fuels our soul to fall away.
As alluded to in the last article I was headed for another lesson in expectations vs what’s actually in our highest good. I had been making all the right choices, taking care of myself in ways I’d never done before and was headed for a monumental day that was going to bring Justice and healing for my girls and I. The thing is I had an idea of Justice in my mind that I was clinging to thinking it was the only way to actually be okay again.
This is when the incredible world of Yoga entered my life.
In January of 2018 I came across an online yoga teachers training that seemed to be screaming at me to take part in, I had never felt the pull to even go to a yoga class before let alone become a teacher only I was so very drawn to it that I released my fear and signed up! This class was a way for me to heal, educate myself and also a great tool to keep me from focusing on the darkness I was still dealing with in my life.
Little did I know that the world of Reiki and Yoga go so hand in hand. This was a deep delve into my very own limiting beliefs and also jumped my self care into overdrive.
Today I’m thankful that I had basically stuck my head in the sand (avoidance is sometimes all we know to do) so to speak and started another class to help me heal the wounds that still lingered, waiting to be acknowledged, accepted and loved. I know now that had I not taken this training that I would of dealt with the impending “blow” to my idea of Justice very differently. All of the training, classes and healing I’d been blessed to participate in truly got me ready to face my new reality. The one where Justice isn’t dolled out in this lifetime in the ways we deem necessary or fair, the reality where huge life changing decisions still need to be made in the face of extremely uncomfortable situations and being put into a place of learning to accept things exactly as they are whether it’s what we wanted to happen or not.
March 2018 and the outcome that day, while at the time seemed like the biggest injustice, is now simply a reminder that “bad things” happen to bring us to our greatest Joy and to open the doors to a future we only dream about. Had the trial gone the way “I” wanted it to, I would not be where I am today. I fell apart that day in a new way, filled with rage at the broken system, confused about the outcome because my ego was telling me that all the hard work I’d done was for naught and wondering what good could possibly come from this verdict. Only the rage didn’t last, it instead turned to tears and snapped me back to what’s actually best for myself and the girls…
That was really the day I decided to walk away from everything that would no longer build the life we needed and wanted.
When I came home in May 2016 I had made a promise to my girls that I would never leave them again, for any reason only at the time that was a lie…
I didn’t realize I was lying to myself and them until that day in March when the rest of the building we were standing in finished burning, leaving only cinders in it’s wake and opening the door to choice and complete acceptance in the Life we were living.