More New Beginnings
More new beginnings?! I don’t know how many more new beginnings I can handle right now!
What’s funny is I’ve been excited for this day, the day that I would be free to do as I please. It’s been months in the making, much fear and uncertainty mixed in with so much excitement at what the future will hold until today… The day of reckoning I suppose, the day that I actually
took off the uniform for the last time, the day I realized I would never again lace up my boots, check my hair one more time on the way out, serve my country or the members.
Many tears have fallen already and I’m certain there are more to come. I may not of served myself for the entire decade but I married military so it was already my life. The only life I really know in some ways right now… I joined for the security originally, I had career goals as well but really it was for the money, vacation and pension. I also wanted for once to be fully financially independent and able to provide for my girls if I ended up doing it alone. Little did I know that once you hit basic you’re taught that the only family you need is right there in that room with you, cut off from the outside world we are trained to choose service over family because it’s our duty, what we signed up for.
When I came home after the ship caught fire it took far more time to settle back into my role as a mother then I care to admit sometimes, I was upset that my course was moving on without me and that I was missing out, I was devastated that my career was likely over and I was looking for every way possible to stay in. I was still more focused on finding a way to serve then on the girls who NEEDED me home.
I’ve been working toward being civilian again for a couple years however the deeply entrenched sense of duty to the country and those serving was shocking when I took my boots off for the last time. I always knew I had originally felt a sense of duty and had fully embraced the life but that “go army” feeling was long gone! Then I remembered… I met family there, people who made an impact, people who are here to stay in my life and I have family from here to the opposite side of Canada. People I can reach out to who will always welcome the girls and I because we are family. The organization may not be for me anymore but it filled my life with incredible people who surrounded us in love when we needed it the most.
The last few years were filled with roller coaster emotions, many endings, layers of pain falling away and incredible new beginnings.
I’ve learned to look at each ending as a beginning instead, a chance to release one more thing that no longer serves my highest purpose on this Earth. There’s always a purpose to every path and the beautiful part is every path we choose is exactly what we need at that time. It’s the lessons we were sent here to learn, the knowledge we were meant to gain and the family we were meant to pick up along the way.
Today is a sad day as I walk away from an organization that provided for my family but also ripped it apart in many ways, today is also a day to rejoice and to remember the lessons I was blessed to learn. The biggest lesson of all was that my first true purpose is to be mama to my girls, to be there anytime they need and to teach them to be true to themselves first, to stand in their power, speak their truth without looking to society for approval because the only approval they ever need comes from INSIDE!
Let’s remember together that our power comes from within, that we are one and that we are never alone!